Friday, June 25, 2004

Games Cats Play, part 1: Barf Wars

Playing Field: Any Floor in the house.
Safe base: sink, tub, paper or outdoors.

Player A: Cat with upset tummy

Player B: Human

Game Play: Player A starts match by very loudly announcing the need to yak up a hairball or other such stomach contents. Player B's objective is protecting the playing field by sliding something under Player A as barf comes up or by moving Player A to safe base. Player A objective is to barf on the floor.

Player A Proposed Game Strategy: Do the "Hurka-Hurka-Hurka" sound while moving backwards, thereby creating a moving target. As human slides paper under, at last moment turn head to get it past the paper. Extra points for multiple points of puke contact. Hitting the furniture will also bring bonus points for Player A, but will probably be more fiercely guarded by Player B. The true pro can power-puke at will.

Player B Proposed Game Strategy: Grab Player A and hold over safe base. Massive point deduction for allowing Player A to barf in transit to safe base maximizing Player A's coverage.

Game is over when Player A is feeling better or banished from playing field

Going to the Vet


Vets are the spawn of Satan, with lots of education...'nuf said.

Oh, if you are a Vet, I beg your pardon, be-gone with you. Go talk to a priest.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Idle Mewsing ... I got nothing


Haven't had too much to write about lately. The humans have been busy getting ready for a visit from Ed's oldest sibling. They've been picking this up, cleaning that up ... basically overturning the household. They even cleaned Ed's office. That was a major undertaking ... boxes everywhere. Jenny and Jasper were worried that they were getting ready to move us all around again, but I'd seen this before. Since the travel cages didn't come out, I knew we weren't going to go anywhere. If anything, it gives us all more room to sleep.

Well, hopefully I'll have more later.

Monday, June 07, 2004



My humans have called them, "Ghosties" or sometimes "The Rips." All I know is that sometimes I'm just sitting minding my own business, and an unknown force just starts poking me in the side. And poking and poking. I run left, they're still there ... I run right, but they stay right with me. Up the stairs, down, I even try running across all the furniture. Rolling, biting, I try to get them to leave me alone.

HolyJesusMaryMotherOfGOD, GET THEM OFF OF ME!!!

But then, as quickly as they arrive, they disappear into hiding, waiting to attack another day.

Why the HELL is Ed laughing so hard? Just wait, Ed. Just wait until you wake up tomorrow and open your eyes to find me sleeping with my ass in your face...who'll be laughing then?

Friday, June 04, 2004

Language Gaps, part 2


Okay, remember in my bios below, how I mentioned Ed yowls a lot? He also hisses! I don't get it ... I get locked out of Syd's room last night and I want to go to bed, right? So I sit in front of the door and VERY politely ask to be let in. So next thing I know, there's Ed coming behind me, scooping me up and taking me into his and Kim's room, all the while hissing about "It's 4:00 AM. Whaddayadoing sitting in front of Syd's door Yelling for?" Yelling?!? Like I said, I was politely asking to be let in, and I was very clear in asking that Syd's door be opened so that I can go to bed. They'll NEVER learn.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Language gaps


I'm not one for ranting, but:
Why is it that after 15 years, I've not only learned my human's language, and after careful study, can now operate their computers (they thought I was just sleeping on their laps when they were typing,) yet they haven't a clue what I'm saying!?! Jeeze, I only talk to them about a limited number of things, so as not to confuse them. In 15 years, I've only attempted to teach them, "Feed Me", "My water is empty", "the litter boxes need cleaning", "I need to be held", "I love you", and "I've just yakked on the carpet, please clean it up." They just don't get it. I tell them my water's empty, they run around looking for barf, I ask them to clean the litter boxes, and they tell me it's not time for dinner. Fer chrissakes, I love my humans to no end, but really ... superior beings? phhhttt!

Portrait of my family


I guess that in order to understand me, you'll need to know about the people and other Cats in my life, so a short Bio on each.

Ed: A mostly hairless, much overworked male human of approximately 38 years. I'm told he's employed by a large computer company, although he "works from home" so he's always around. He yowls a lot, about most anything, and is generally seen as a grump, but he'll pick me up when I cry, and always has a scratch for my head. When he was a poor student, he made sure that I had enough to eat, cooking me food, making vitamin enriched gravy for me and my sister to put on our foods, even when he couldn't afford to eat as well. He fed me from an eye dropper for days until I was strong enough to eat on my own.

Kim: A long-haired flame-point female human of approximately 37 years. Along with Ed, bought me from a rather cruel pet store in Missouri. She's my love. All's right in the world when I get a smile and hug from her. She was an instructor at what was called a community college, but now stays home to take care of her offspring. That's fine by me, because I can see her more this way. Her hair makes the perfect hiding place when at the vet. I'll climb up on her shoulder and bury my face in her hair, but they always seem to find me.

Syd: A long-haired blonde-point female human of 6 years. She and I are just getting to understand each other. Like many humans of that age, she's loud, and sometimes moves too suddenly for my taste, but she gives good scratches and allows me to sleep on her bed.

K: A long-haired blonde-point female human of 2 years. She scares me. I know she means well, and does try to give good scratches like her older sibling, but she comes at me so fast. I want to be around her, but sometimes it's best for me to just stay away.

JennyAnyDots: A tortie female (spayed) Cat of about 10 years. Lord, she's fat, 19 lbs. by her last vet visit on Tuesday. She's so fat, that she doesn't even put her head in the food bowl anymore. She just lays down on her side and shovels the food out of the bowl into her mouth with her paw. Jenny also scares me, and we've developed an understanding that I don't bother her, she doesn't beat me up. She tends to miss the litter box when she craps. We thought it was because she's so fat, so my humans purchased over-sized litter boxes...nope, still on the floor.

Jasper: A flame-point male (fixed) Cat of about 7 years. He's my buddy and my cuddle-toy. He's rather "dim" and being at least part Siamese, is LOUD and always talking. My humans call him "stink butt" but he smells fine to me. He was adopted by my humans from a rescue shelter after surviving a hurricane while living outside as a stray kitten with his sister.

Cats no longer with me:

Mei Ling: A Lynx-Point, and my older sister. When I was 5, she got really sick and was found to have cancer. It had spread, and my humans were told she was untreatable. This was Ed's love. I'm not sure really what happened, but they had to take her to the Vet one day, and I never saw her again. The humans cried a lot after that, (especially Ed, so don't tell me he's a grump) and I cried right along with them. I miss her to this day.

Neko: A rather scrawny lopsided orange-tabby male. He was funny and fearless, but left too soon. Like most of the other Cats in the house, he came from a shelter. You couldn't help but love him. After he had lived with us for only a few weeks, he started walking in circles and falling down. He just couldn't keep his head straight. He passed away. They were afraid of something called "rabies" but tests showed that he didn't have that. The humans aren't sure what happened.

Jasmine: A tortie-point female and Jasper's sister. she was always sick and finally passed away after only a few weeks. They had her examined and it was found that sometime prior to being rescued, she'd drunk some anti-freeze that had damaged her kidneys. We hope that it was an accident that she was able to get hold of that anti-freeze, because we all know that if someone did it on purpose, they should have their eyes scratched out!

That's my family, and will be the fodder for all my mewsings.

Yeah, I'm a Cat

It's not like I wouldn't have learned all about the english language or about using computers in the 15 years I've lived with my humans, so don't act all surprised. Yeah, I'm a cat. A Seal-Point Siamese to be exact. I was born in the US state of Missouri 15 (almost 16) years ago and was unceremoniously dumped at a small town pet store for sale. The story has it that I was the runt of a litter of non-show-quality cats, was basically being allowed to starve while all by brothers and sisters ate the food. The pet store owner didn't care about me. Then these college students bought me, fed me milk & vitamins, eggs, other stuff until I was healthy. I've been with them since. Saw them move to North Carolina, get married and have two other smaller humans. It's these two mini-humans' friends that always point to me and ask, "Is that a cat?"

Yeah, I'm a Cat