Wednesday, July 28, 2004

My Space is My Space, Your Space is My Space


I need to make a point to all humans reading this ...

Cats are the masters of all domains. When you complain that one of us has just sat on the newspaper you're reading, or that we've taken too much space on "your bed," understand that you really don't have a leg to stand on. Until that point in time, we've just been letting you borrow that space, and now it's time for us to reclaim what's rightfully ours. Oh, and if you humans move your work/reading/food/etc. on to our floor ... the game is ON!

My dear departed sister, Mei Ling, was a champion to this point. She even took it to the level where one evening while Ed was in college, Ed's roommate was eating a pizza. (He would order a whole pizza and not share it with ANYONE, hissss!) After repeatedly ignored requests by Mei for just a small morsel, she decided to repo the spot on the table that the pizza was sitting on. When Ed's roommate looked down to grab another piece ... there was Mei, just sitting in the center of the pie, telling him that if he wasn't going to share, then she was claiming the whole pizza, pizza box and table as part of her domain. Unfortunately, the humans in the house didn't believe her, and made her move and EVEN GAVE HER A BATH!! *shudder* She gave it a valiant effort, had the horror of having tomato sauce on her butt and then a bath, and although she was still removed from her space, the humans didn't ignore her as much anymore. (Oh, and the roommate ate the pizza anyway.)

My buddy, Jasper, is also great at claiming rightful space. Just yesterday, Kim and the girls had the audacity to play where Jasper wanted to sit. ON THE FLOOR! Well Kim built a large Lego mall for the girls' Polly Pocket dolls. The Mall, building materials and dolls were spread out all over Jasper's floor. Being a friendly, easy going cat, Jasper tried first to sit quietly next to Syd. (Quiet by Siamese standards.) When pushed away, he re-took his next best space. It wasn't his fault that the dolls' clothes were there. Again, he was unjustly, finally tired of wrongfully being moved about, Jasper climbed into the Lego Mall. He was defiant against our humans, threatening to bring down the Mall, unless a just compromise was reached. He really had them, since an attempt to evict him would've destroyed what had taken quite some time to build. They finally conceded to his point of space ownership. Having achieved his goal, he felt it was time to move on and left Kim and the girls to their games.

My point from these examples is to show the lengths that we cats will (and SHOULD) go through to take back what is rightfully ours. We will win some battles (such as Jasper's) and lose some (like Mei), but we should never give up.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Cat Tip for Humans #1 - Bad Weather

It's been said that if there's bad weather, watch your pets ... we'll respond to changes in pressure/temperature/etc. and warn you of impending disaster.

That's all fine and dandy but also remember ... we will also jump and run if you drop a pan in the kitchen, if a car backfires in the street and anytime someone rings the doorbell. We're skittish, that's all there is too it. It won't matter if it's just a simple thunder storm or a tornado making a path toward your door, I'm hiding because I DON'T LIKE LOUD NOISES!

Oh, and all those animals that warn their owners of fire, flood or some such? They are trying to save their own asses and want out of the house also. You as the human have the opposable thumbs required to open the doors.

Think about it.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

Games Cats Play, part 2: Brown Bottom Boogie

This is a solitare-type game we cats play, since we can't use toilet paper.

Playing Field: Any carpeted floor ... the better the carpet, the more points

Game Play: Play begins after completing a particularly sticky dump. Player races around the house/apartment until finding the perfect area of carpet. Player drops butt to floor, puts hind paws behind ears and scoots around.

Points are awarded for:

  • length of streaks left on the playing field

  • cost of carpeting (my humans, Ed and Kim placed cheap carpet near the litter boxes for me. Nope, I like the stuff in the rest of the house.)

  • amount of human foot traffic in playing field (the more people who walk by, the better)

  • difficulty of removing streak from playing field

Points are deducted if chunks are left since those are easier to clean.

Player wins if they complete wiping butt before human can grab them.

Player will lose instantly regardless of point total should the human grab them and wipe their butt with a baby wipe. (Oh the horror.)